Sometimes I'm just a wreck, how 'bout you?
There isn't anything like the pull of a full moon to get me up & putting away the holidays. And I mean Christmas, Solstice and Thanksgiving.
Let me show you how it's been going around here. Organic, gluten-free, from scratch blueberry coffee cake. Check. Organic, free-range torta with smoked salmon, scallions & fresh dill. Check. Except the torta is burned. The coffee cake is also getting burned, so we take it out. It's totally raw on the inside, due to the very frozen berries. Awesome! So we fry it. Fried blueberry coffee cake.
"Yes. This is good." That's what I said over & over during my labors. It's now a little joke/affirmation I repeat to myself in my everyday life, too. "Yes. This is good."
I've given in to the happy frenzy. The chaos, the craziness. The fresh puddle of pee from the last playdate. (Eww. Who's pee is this?) 10 loads of laundry. Mountains of dishes. Mountains of them. But life is good, here. Sometimes I have to pay attention to when it's gone too far.
Last Tuesday I woke & told D I had to go to the doctor, 2 hours away. I needed to get cleared. He looked at me & smiled his sweetest smile. He really wanted me to go.
Our doctor uses a technique called Neuro-Emotional Technique that tests our muscle strength to measure what our body is responding to & what it needs. It finds emotions stuck in our body + originating events in our life. Once found, the emotion can get cleared & the organs go back to full efficiency. It's a physical/chemical/nutritional/medical/emotional extension of our homeschooling.
Dr. Martinet asked me to say a few statements while he tested my muscle strength:
"I can do what I need to do." Test result: Failed.
"I can multitask." Test result: Nope.
Great. That's it! The truth is, I haven't been able to drive anywhere with all 3 boys since Thanksgiving. It's been literally too much. I started to wonder if I had agoraphobia, but there wasn't any fear. Just not getting in the car. One day it took 2 hours to get us into the family bike. We got half way around the block & Lake started to cry ~ "I'm freezing." Great! We turned around & I thought, "What the heck is going on with me?"
At the same time I just chalked it up to the holidays & took advantage of the extra family support last month. So it wasn't as obvious as you might think. There was still playdates & field trips & what not. But no multitasking. No nursing + washing dishes. No laundry + science lesson + baking + blocks. No. Just. Blocks. Transition. Laundry. Transition. Dishes. Transition. Reading. Transition. Outside time. One thing at a time.
I kept thinking I'd catch up in the nights, but I was crashing hard with the kids. Luckily they're in the own room now. I still wasn't sleeping well, though.
So back to the test. The emotion: depression. The age: 31. Right before Thanksgiving, to be exact. The organ: Adrenals.
The originating event: I had gone to make a legal request for our business partner on November 22. It was denied. Apparently I felt depressed over not being able to help. It was stuck in my adrenals & making me exhausted. And I was in a state of fight or flight. Instead of being punchy with the kids, I just went into moving very, very slowly.
So he cleared it. And that day I went home, piled us all into the car & went to the library. And the park. And cleaned the house. From top. To bottom. Then we all danced to "Hey Ya," & "My Sharona."
The holiday stuff, though, that just went into storage. Tonight. 'Cause I can blog + nurse + pack boxes + eat an english muffin. Whew.